It was the Worst of Times and the Best of Times

The title is part of a well-known quote from A Tale of Two Cities by Charles Dickens, but as one of the worst English Majors in the world, I have yet to read it. (That, and To Kill a Mockingbird. I know, I know. I really missed out in high school.) I just snatched it because the idea of best and worst being together applies to the idea I've been thinking about recently.

I aim to keep this short.

Some of the worst times/points in my life that I have experienced have been times when I was afraid and filled with what seemed an unmanageable level of fear. However, these times of fear are the very times that God has always intervened and given me incredible, delicious peace. Whether something has threatened me or I have lost sight of God's promise of faithfulness, God has always answered my fear with peace. How incredible is that?

For me, I think the worst part about having fear is the soon-to-follow realization that my faith in God is not as strong as I had thought. It's disappointing! It's like, "Oh dang...I thought I'd gotten past that." or, "Crap. I'm not as strong or well-guarded as I thought!" Then this panicky feeling sets in. Shortly after I have let in the panic (however minor), then comes the shame and disappointment of having deceived myself about my own fortitude. It's like a little destructive cycle! Fear --> Why am I afraid? --> Must not really believe God is who He says He is if I'm filled with destructive fears --> and the shame comes and says, "Ya really screwed up again." But fortunately, there is a dawn after the darkest point of the night.

Recognizing my fear and shame at my lack of faith cripples my heart to the point of throwing myself to my knees, and finally, there I realize that it is where I belong -on my knees. No matter how long we have been denying the reality of our fear and the reality of our lack of faith, God is merciful.

As I am on my knees, whether physically or kneeling in my heart, God is always so swift to restore my wholeness. So thorough in patching the chink in my armor that allowed the fear to seep in, and so gracefully filling me with His enduring love. And it ends up a good thing.

Might I suggest that He has peace and healing from fear in store for you in the worst of your times? In receiving that peace, you will taste the best of times.