It Is By Our Love...

What would it look like it Christians focused on being like Jesus and loving others right where they are, regardless of why kind of mess they are making of their lives?

What if we did that, and let the Holy Spirit do his job. The convicting part. Dats na' my job! Dats hiiiiz job.
 It is my place to love, and it is his to convict. That is not to say, however, that there aren't circumstances where is appropriate to correct others or help mold behaviors and aspects of a life, but allowing the Spirit room to do his own work will be complimented by the display of love from Jesus shown by Christians. Ultimately, that will draw more souls to God than berating, scolding, or harshness.
 It is by our love (and love for one another despite our differences) that they will know we are the people of God.

If I look out at the world and despair at what I see,
 all I have to do is look within myself
 to see the change that God has worked inside of me.
Then I can begin to understand that
Somehow there is a plan,
and God is molding the world around me
Just like he is shaping the heart inside me.

All is Well

When my heart is paralyzed in unrest

When my soul in desperate need for clarity, and all I see is trouble haunting all my steps

When my forehead is creased, knitted too tightly with disquiet threads of worry and doubt

And my hands find themselves clasped in agonized anticipation for the unknown to come about

I must…I simply MUST to myself retell

That all is well, all is well, all is well, all is well.

-Brenna Swoboda

8/14/13 

Self Love or Loving Yourself? Are They The Same?

For a long time I used to think that the phrase, "you need to love yourself" was stupid. Because...that's selfish, right? And really, I'd have to hate myself in order to be sacrificial for others, yadda yadda. 
What I didn't realize at the time was that it wouldn't have even qualified as "sacrifice" if there wasn't love for oneself involved somehow. (Looky there, tangent already in the first paragraph...)

Pertaining to this topic, I used to take issue with a line in one of my favorite songs by the band Lifehouse. In the song "Whatever It Takes" there is a line that says, "Like it or not, it's the way it has to be. You have to love yourself if you could even love me." Then goes "..I'll do whatever it takes to turn this around..." You have probably heard the song before. "Like it or not," huh? Well, I didn't like it.

In the song, it's a girl telling the guy she loves that he has to love himself before he could ever really love her. For the longest time I took a stance of "sure whatever." After all, what girl in her right mind would want a guy who loved himself? Isn't that a little self-absorbed and cocky sounding? Humility is a grand personality trait for a significant other, and loving of the self doesn't seem to match up with that.  Frankly, if you can't tell already, the idea that someone had to love himself before loving someone else made me a little mad, and I wrestled with it for...years. Pretty much since the song came out in '07 (yeah that's right, in high school).  Looking back now, it probably angered me because I was SO sure that I was perfectly capable of loving another person without having a particular attachment or affection for myself.  However, that just showed me that I had a skewed perspective of what love really is. 

I'm not even saying that I know what love is even today. I do know, though, that my perspective has changed and that there is a good chance that it is at least a little more similar to God's perspective now than it was before. I don't understand all of it, but I have experienced what I will go on to say to be true. 

So back to it...

I was sure that having to love yourself before you could love someone else was silly. It didn't  make sense to me because it sounded so selfish. And! As it turns out, my idea that I was capable of loving others without loving myself was completely wrong. So wrong. Not only wrong, but sinful and self-righteous. Now, loving yourself and self-righteousness are too totally different things. Opposites really. Self-righteousness is loving yourself because of your LACK of flaws, while loving yourself is loving DESPITE your flaws. (See what I did there? ;)  

Finally, I started  ("started" meaning, I'm still in the process) to learn what loving oneself means and why it is vital. 
Vital, she says? Why vital? (Or better question...why third person? o.O)

It's vital because of WHERE love comes from. Love comes from...surprise! God. And if I call myself a Christian, I am called to love what God loves. So...well, God loves me, so I need to love me, too. It's not even like I have somehow hidden the rotten parts of me from him and he blindly thinks I'm put together and lovable.  He isn't fooled. Though I may not know the full extent of my brokenness and my sinfulness, I am not fooled either. I know I'm messed up. But he still loves me. I'm not only supposed to love WHAT he does, but also LIKE he does.
 He loves me unconditionally. 
Dang, right? I have to love myself unconditionally.

The other important part about it is this: you can't give what ya ain't got.
Meaning, if you don't have love, if you don't have a habit of accepting God's love for you, then you won't be able to sustain a habit of being able to give love to others. If a well is dry, everyone goes thirsty. I"ll say it again: You cannot provide what you do not already have to give. Fortunately love is supplied for us from God's unending love.
(Tangent alert! This idea doesn't just apply to love. You can't give what ya don't have of anything. Not just the obvious material things, but the deeper and more meaningful things as well. Things like Peace, Comfort, Courage, etc. But God supplied those, as well.)

Sometimes I think the problem is that we don't believe God when he tells us he loves us in the first place. If we are choosing not to believe what God says, why should he tell us and demonstrate something for us if we simply refuse to believe it? It isn't like he has even hidden the demonstration of his love from us. I mean, really. He kind of literally DIED to show you. Which brings me full circle to that sacrifice thing at the beginning which might not actually have been a bunny trail.

Jesus is in love with his people. FYI, WE are his people. To repair broken relationship with us, he SACRIFICED his life for us. He was so full of love from the Father that he was CAPABLE of unconditionally (without any conditions and with no real guarantee that his love would be reciprocated back to him) loving the people who rejected him to the point (and beyond) of dying. His relationship with the Father has always been the most important thing to Jesus since they are one. His relationship and love in the Father is important, that he doesn't even need a list of priorities. It is because of that intense love for...himself that he sacrificed...himself for what he also loves and wants to be one with. Us. (This is my understanding at this point. Maybe someday I will learn how to articulate it better.) It's because of his love, the very source of real love, that true sacrifice is possible. 

Loving yourself isn't self love in a selfish way when the love comes from God. It is loving with the love he loves us with. Like that Lifehouse song says, "You gotta love yourself of you can ever love me." Can we really love anything if we can't love who God has made us to be? If Love is a Person (aka, God) then we must have love for what he loves. In loving ourselves, it is not that we are done being perfected or that we don't have things in us that still need to be transformed, tweaked or removed . But he loves us 100% anyway. He loves us completely and totally right now. He has made it so that we can learn to love ourselves. He loves you. Ask him. But be willing to believe him when he answers. 

So I say, God, help us love what you love so we are able to love others with the love you give. 

The Best Place

I find a state of brokenness is the best place I can be.
Cuz it's only in my barrenness that I can really see.
It's because of who you are -your great mercy over me
shows me just how far I am from being flawlessly.

Only when I'm broken can I really see your face
Because only when I need it can I receive your grace.

-by Enna

Thoughts of Rhyme

I dole out my bitterness as one who always strives
While the urchins offer thankfulness as those who daily die.

Constantly my striving leads to fruitless gain
While sheer dependence is the goal and ought to be my aim

Throwing pennies to the wind while distracted by the din
Is tossing diamonds in the dirt like some forbidden sin.

Knitting together the future and tying up the past
Combined with what is here and now, the battle lasts and lasts.

Tho somewhere in this heart of mine once was a gaping hole
Tho now occasionally I see what looks to be a soul.

Looking at my body, the outside looking in,
I see myself a knotted heap that is all wrapped in skin.

Seeing the dark inside me, knowing my selfish ways
Helps me keep my silence lest I lead someone astray.

A handful of my bitterness, a breath of pride -my shame
Marks me as a broken girl who finally sees she is lame.

As if as leg were broken, my heart is twisted up
As if my weakness were an aid
In getting my bonds cut.

I pass out my graceless attitude as if it were a prize
While the starving see the hope at stake and never let it die.

I pass around my meager mindset with plenty at my feet
While beggars scrounge amidst the trash for anything to eat

-By Brenna Swoboda

It was the Worst of Times and the Best of Times

The title is part of a well-known quote from A Tale of Two Cities by Charles Dickens, but as one of the worst English Majors in the world, I have yet to read it. (That, and To Kill a Mockingbird. I know, I know. I really missed out in high school.) I just snatched it because the idea of best and worst being together applies to the idea I've been thinking about recently.

I aim to keep this short.

Some of the worst times/points in my life that I have experienced have been times when I was afraid and filled with what seemed an unmanageable level of fear. However, these times of fear are the very times that God has always intervened and given me incredible, delicious peace. Whether something has threatened me or I have lost sight of God's promise of faithfulness, God has always answered my fear with peace. How incredible is that?

For me, I think the worst part about having fear is the soon-to-follow realization that my faith in God is not as strong as I had thought. It's disappointing! It's like, "Oh dang...I thought I'd gotten past that." or, "Crap. I'm not as strong or well-guarded as I thought!" Then this panicky feeling sets in. Shortly after I have let in the panic (however minor), then comes the shame and disappointment of having deceived myself about my own fortitude. It's like a little destructive cycle! Fear --> Why am I afraid? --> Must not really believe God is who He says He is if I'm filled with destructive fears --> and the shame comes and says, "Ya really screwed up again." But fortunately, there is a dawn after the darkest point of the night.

Recognizing my fear and shame at my lack of faith cripples my heart to the point of throwing myself to my knees, and finally, there I realize that it is where I belong -on my knees. No matter how long we have been denying the reality of our fear and the reality of our lack of faith, God is merciful.

As I am on my knees, whether physically or kneeling in my heart, God is always so swift to restore my wholeness. So thorough in patching the chink in my armor that allowed the fear to seep in, and so gracefully filling me with His enduring love. And it ends up a good thing.

Might I suggest that He has peace and healing from fear in store for you in the worst of your times? In receiving that peace, you will taste the best of times.

Spinning Tires

So, I'm sure you know how it goes. Rain is to pretty flowers just as snow and ice is to vehicle trouble. Not that my car got stuck. I mean, don't me wrong, I have car trouble more than I'd prefer. But buying a rear wheel drive car is one mistake I'll never make again. But fortunately, my experience and trial and error with such a vehicle prepared me to assist someone with their own rear wheel drive pain-on-the-ice-rink.

I was walking towards the dining hall just as darkness was setting in when I saw a rather new-looking car attempting to pull out of a parking space. Just to give ya'll a picture, imagine what happens when a snow plow pushes all the snow to one side as it tries to clear a parking area. Well, for every car that was already there, it piles the snow up right behind the tires of the vehicle. After a partial thaw, this forms an ice mountain that a car with zero momentum going in its favor will have trouble getting over. That was the case for this car, too.

Sometimes in life you get stuck. You know where you want to go, but getting there proves more difficult that you anticipated. I find that to be the case in my life occasionally. Sometimes being stuck is more metaphorical than literal, but this example was pretty literal.

Not gonna lie, when I heard the spinning tires I almost kept walking. But when I looked over my shoulder and assessed the problem I realized that I was fully capable of getting that car out of its predicament... I watched the drivers struggle a moment more as I pondered whether it would be rude for me to approach and assume I could handle it, or if it would be at all acceptable to turn a blind eye and hope for the best. Clearly, the driver was female even though I couldn't see through the cars darkly tinted windows. Not only was the driver not pressing the accelerator hard enough to be a guy who is clueless of how to drive in the snow desperately trying to get out before anyone saw him stuck, but it was spinning it's rear tires in front of a girls' dorm building. So, I decided it was safe to assume it would be a girl and I wouldn't humiliate some guy's delicate ego by being a chick who was offering to get his car out for him.

I came over, smiled and waved to get her attention. She saw me coming and rolled her window down.
"You need help?" is what I should have said. But what really came out of my mouth was, "Ya know how to drive in the snow?" Silly me. Of course she didn't. That's why her tires were digging a deeper hole in the ice and slush to get out of.
"Oh do you?!" She said with more desperation that I had anticipated.
 I looked in and saw that her fancy new car didn't have a low gear for some reason. Weird. I guess car manufacturers are preparing us all to be helpless in snow and ice or in an off-road emergency. But anyway, the girl was at a loss, but before I said anything else, she unbuckled and hopped out of the drivers seat. Short story even shorter, I got the car out in a jiffy. But only when I got out and held the door open for the car's rightful driver did I realize how much my assistance had helped this girl out.

There she stood in front of me with her cute, baby bump belly much more noticeable now that she was standing in front of me. "Thank you so much! I didn't know what I was going to do! I'm 6 months pregnant and I wasn't about to be able to push my car over the ice!" she said. How I didn't notice her pregnant-ness before, I have no idea, but I was suddenly hit with the realization of how much offering to help meant to this girl. Offering help could actually be helpful to people. Who knew?

I am so glad I was there and that I decided to approach her and use my knowledge and whatever driving skills I have to assist someone. It reminds me again how privileged I am to have grown up in the country and had plenty of practice getting vehicles stuck and eventually unstuck again. It reminds me that the practice that I had (however intentional or unintentional) prepared me to help someone else in need.
Once again, I have brought my country kid-ness to the city and found myself equipped and useful.

So my point isn't to tell you how awesome I am for helping someone get their car over the ice barrier. Instead, I'd like to encourage you to use what you have been given and learned to help others today. Wherever you have come from has helped you be where you are today. And whatever you bring to the table can equip you to be a blessing to someone else. Also, it can mean a lot more to them to offer a helping hand than you know -just like I didn't know how much she really needed help until I realized that she was pregnant after I got her car out.

Don't walk away from someone in need. We're all alone enough without the people around us turning away. I hope that this is encouraging to you somehow. I know this experience has definitely encouraged me! I also hope that you find ways to make yourself a blessing to others around you, and that you receive the joy that comes with being a blessing.

Drowning

Recently I finished reading a fantastic book. You may have heard of Mere Christianity, by C. S. Lewis before, but if you've never taken more than a five minute look at it, I'd suggest that you do at some point. There's something about how C. S. Lewis words things and gives graspable illustrations that really helps me understand what he is saying. Points he makes regarding humanity and Christianity and many other topics really hit home not only spiritually, but logically and realistically as well. With an attitude that speaks of partial dedication to Christ being worse than zero dedication, and willingness to take time to clear up any discrepancies that may come up, Lewis has impacted yet another life even after his death. Mine.
So, I decided to thumb through my underlined and annotated copy of Mere Christianity and share one topic or another that struck me.

I've included a reference at the end of the post, however, to give a brief run-down about what topic that I'm about to share that Lewis tackles, here is a bit of background:
The overarching topic is atonement, however, most of the time in the chapter is focused on the fact that Jesus was God. The idea is raised that being submitted to God, suffering and dying must have been a lot easier for Jesus since he was God (and I personally insert that he IS still God and always will be). But the truth clashes with human perspective when people think that it might have been easier for Jesus to go through all that he did since he was God, and as a result, a sense of unfairness comes up. It's that sense of unfairness that Lewis nails with the following illustration.

If I am drowning in a rapid river, a man who still has one foot on the bank may give me a hand which saves my life. Ought I to shout back (between my gasps) 'No, it's not fair! You have an advantage! You're keeping one foot on the bank'? That advantage -call it 'unfair' if you like- is the only reason why he can be of any use to me.

When I read this, I actually laughed out loud. Not because I was amused at the mental picture of myself drowning in a river, but because of the glaring truth that my corrupted human mind had failed to really see. It is a ridiculous idea for a drowning person to reject help from another because the other had some advantage that could aid him. Ridiculous. But if we take the perspective that some advantage on the part of the savior is unfair, then we definitely fail to see that it's really us who are drowning in the river. If I were literally drowning, I'd be fighting pretty hard, but there would come a moment when it finally sank in that I couldn't save myself. That I needed someone to save me.
The reason I need Jesus is because he isn't in the same predicament as I find myself in. The reason I need him is because he knows what he's doing. The reason I need him is because if -cough,- I mean when I'm drowning in bad choices, sin, hurt, and all those other rampant, human nature diseases in this life, he isn't drowning with me. He's in a position that, because of his grace and mercy, benefits me. Thank God that He isn't like me!


So, yeah. It's "unfair" if that's how you want to see it. But from the perspective of someone
I'm drowning in a river every day. I need help. I can't save myself. I can't do it alone.
 He also said, "The perfect submission, the perfect suffering, the perfect death were not only easier to Jesus because He was God, but were possible only because he was God."
No mere human can save you. No level of ambition however high or low can rescue you. No amount of pride is going to help you to the shore of the raging river that you're stuck in. If anything, pride will sink your body faster.


Lewis concludes the illustrations by saying, "To what will you look for help if you will not look to that which is stronger than yourself?"

I know the answer for myself. I will look to the hills and see that my help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth. I'll look to him who is stronger than I am. I'd like to encourage everyone to take the outstretched hand of the man who has an advantage for being on the shore while you're in the river. His hand is never out of reach, and he will never pull away. Once you have clasped hands, just know that he will never let you go either.

(For reference sake, this quote is taken from the latter portion of a chapter entitled The Perfect Penitent)

Lull Me

Lull me into your sweet
Embrace
Where I can taste your love
And grace
I know there is a deeper
Place
Where we see each other
Face to face

This I want: to be only
Yours
of this I desire to
Be sure
No other love is such a
Cure
And no other is near
So pure.