Tic Toc Tic Toc

Disclaimer: Be thou warned hereby for within this post lies the scattered thoughts of one who has little present interest in organization. The aforementioned person may come back to edit, but until then, deal with it without complaint. :)


-----

"A wizard is never late. He arrives precisely when he means to." -Gandalf from The Fellowship of the Ring (Watch it or watch it. You're choice.)


After  Frodo was waiting reading in the woods, and his friend finally arrives, he cracks a joke about timing. *crosses arms"You're late."
 Gandalf sternly corrects him with, "A wizard is never late, Frodo Baggins. He arrives precisely when he means to." But he quickly bursts into laughter over the matter, giving the scene a warm, lighthearted, friendly atmosphere.
Ironically, in the rest of the movie, Gandalf, a wizard seems to be late several times. At the Prancing Pony, Gandalf is really late...but because of his timing, Stryder is pulled into the movie. And frankly, without him....the rest of the movie and its sequels wouldn't go far.


But this isn't a movie review, so if you haven't seen Lord of the Rings, I would suggest you do so before you go after your next meal.


So back to my initial point then, shall we!? TIMING.
I don't know about you, but it seems like if I and/or others are always just a few minutes or moments off from "perfect timing". Like...the only perfectly timed moments are the ones in America's Funniest Videos (where someone always walks in at the WRONG time, but because it's hilarious, it's...well...perfect!). And more brief times aside, there are things timed seemingly poorly in life's circumstances. I would imagine that it is a rare thing for someone to die at an ideal time. Well...at least probably for someone the deceased person knew. It doesn't really matter to the dead one anymore... Or when the car breaks down, or when the alarm clock doesn't go off in the morning when it should, or when you're late and can't find your keys, or you need to go to the bank three minutes after its closing, or how there is always a long line in the checkout of the grocery store, or how Christmas break is too short, or when you tell someone when you'll be there and you're early. (what? when does that happen?) The list goes on and on! Time management skills...some of us (A)excel at it and quickly become control freaks, and others of us (B)leave it to the wind to the great displeasure of the people of group A.


But the thing is...the reeeeeally important thing to remember is this: God has perfect timing.
That means, even when we see that so-and-so sucks at getting anywhere on time, or can't seem to get things rolling in the morning, or when something tragic and devastating happens in your life...God's timing is still perfect. Often we can't see why things happen as they do. But it's okay because God does.
The Choirmaster, the Director, etc. He cues the basses to give some more depth to the music, He signals for the sopranos to quiet down just a bit, and he urges the altos and tenors to give just a little bit more to provide the melodic balance of a matched or harmonic chord. He keeps the beat, but when the singers get distracted or try to find their own tempo, things fall apart.


Staying in synch with God is vital. Why? Because His timing is perfect.
A wizard is never late. Well, Gandalf may have been late, but God never is. Even when we are in those dark times of life and want to scream at the sky "Where were You when I needed You?!" the fact is that God is never late, never forgets, never gives a rain-check, and always is in control.


Not only that, but He isn't limited by time either! (Take a moment to let what that means sink in and please post a comment about what comes to mind with God not being limited by time. I think it's fun to think about!)


I find all this to be not only comforting, but liberating. Not so that I'll be carelessly late, but when I do have poor timing and lose synch or need to find the right wavelength, MY GOD is NOT limited by that. He know's I'm human. But when I recognize that HE is God and that His timing is perfect, I'm motivated to rely on Him more and to worship Him for how incredible He truly is.

May Those Who Follow After

For those who come behind me,
I pray thatyou would see
My life mirroring His glory,
And this you strive to be.

May those who follow after,
Not see greed or hate
For if these things take up your heart-
Poor will be your fate.

For those who are still young,
P'raps not in age or time,
I hope you will remember
that He said "you are mine"

He asks us to serve Him wholy,
A calling true and great.
He loves and deems us worthy
Even through our mistakes.

Because we are not perfect
And never always right,
I pray you follow Him alone,
But not in your ouwn might.

You're blessed- I hope you see that.
Poor you never are.
For in His grace and mercy
Rich love is never far.

One day you will notice
Just as i have found,
A younger child-who looks to you
with feet treading the ground.

When you see this gift so great
I pray what you would do,
Is lead a life of godliness
Should they want to be like you. 




- Brenna 2009

Surrender

Oh, sweet Surrender,
What is this peace I've found?
The fight is finally over,
And now the joy abounds.

My anxious heart is taken,
Surrendered to the Full.
My beating heart was shaken,
But now is truly whole.

Happily am I weak
Surrendered to the Strong
Just because I've given up,
And now all doubt is gone.

You see when you are fighting
You fight until you break,
And once you're finally broken,
Grave things are then at stake.

I was broken from my fight.
One i couldn't win.
I gave myself completely,
And now such Love I'm in.

I'm dead unto myself.
It's not a morbid state.
Because i am yet so Alive,
In Him i trust my fate.

In Surrender i shall stay-
In what Grace has given me.
Oh, what peace and joy i have
Cause it's where I'm supposed to be.


-2009 -Brenna

The Grief in Halted Growth

One evening a topic came in a group of adults whom I look up to (haha, I said "adults" in my head as if I were under the age of 18. Not only do I not see myself quiiiite as an adult, but these adults also apply in what I'm gonna talk about in this post.)


One woman happened to mentioned that she wished that her grandkids would freeze just how they are and stop growing so they would stay like that.
 When she said that, I was suddenly shaken by the tragedy that frozen growth would be... Nothing against what she said -those were legitimate sentiments she expressed, but there was some sadness inside me as I imagined children who didn't grow any more.


Basically, if the children DID stop growing, there would be this feeling of grief involved. Halted growth. Premature ending. A potential for so much more...but instead nothing coming next.
How much more must God feel that when we allow ourselves to stop growing, or when he puts something in front of us for us to go THROUGH and we just kind of ...don't. We gain nothing by not being tested and refined by difficulties. Often, through those hard times is when we grow the most.
How much more might God feel grieved that we aren't growing that I feel when I consider children not growing. "There is so much more!" He feels. "Don't stop here!". His heart must ache and cry out to us to not settle for less than His best. Don't just stop growing.


A tree doesn't stop growing even when it is all grown up. I'm no botanist, but a huge, mature tree might not get any taller, but it's still growing. It's trunk is getting thicker and roots keep getting deeper and deeper, because if they didn't, soon the nutrients right around the roots in the soil would be depleted and it would starve. What would a tree be without it's roots growing, spreading and gathering what it needs to live?
Ultimately that mature tree is there to produce fruit, just as we who are called "sons of God" are to produce fruit in our lives. But if we don't deepen our roots in the Truth of the Gospel and the Love of Christ, what nutrients will we have to produce fruit?


A huge part of the beauty of young children growing is because of how temporary it is. It can only can be held and beheld for a moment, tender and precious. And suddenly that fleeting moment is over (Suddenly they're not quite as cute as they used to be, the get attitudes, become independent, etc.), therefore it is tremendously valuable. And while it's precious, retarding that change is not the goal. 
I am reminded that we are to come to God as children, sons accepted by Him, but also that we mustn't always be babes craving milk, but get ready to take in solid food. That involves maturing and growth.  


It's a process. There's more I feel like I could say about this, but I think this is enough to chew on for right now.


Every day I wake up a little differently that I woke up the day before. Not that they routine is different, but I -who I am- is different. I hope that the growth that occurs in me is for God's glory and that the growth never stops. And I hope the same for you.

Binding Freedom

Freedom is binding
Being bound is free.
It's a hard thing to fathom,
But p'raps some will see.

To what extent is freedom lent?
How bound to be until trapped?
How is our freedom so easily spent,
And then in chains are we wrapped?

Freedom itself is a gift,
In bindings a blessing is found.
You are free to decide
To what you will be bound.

Shiny Side up and Between the Green

I very recently interviewed a couple for an assignment in my Marriage and Family class. This post is basically the paper I turned in to go along with the assignment, but with some minor differences making one more blog appropriate and the other more assignment appropriate. But my hope in sharing this with you all is that not only will Steve and Jan get to see basically what came of the time they let me have with them, but to share some (only SOME) of the great stuff they shared and said to me.

My paper went something like:

I chose Steve and Jan to interview because they are an older couple whom I respect greatly for not only their solid marriage, but for the times that they have spoken wisdom and encouragement into my life. I received both of those things and more the evening I sat on their couch to interview them. Later, when I stepped off of their front porch after the interview I was so full of sound advice, wisdom, encouragement, and joy from the manner that they spoke and related to one another that I thought I was going to pop.

I asked about fourteen questions, but each question led to a story or example which in led nicely to other questions, and it was a nice cycle that kept us chatting. I learned that they have been married for 40 years, they got married at 22 (Steve) and 20 (Jan), and had their first child 9 months and 15 days after they were married. When I asked if they thought the ages that they got married were good ones, Steve said, “We were young…but we got to grow up together.” Jan was in agreement. She expressed that it would have been nice if there had been a little more “growing up” time together before their first baby, but looking back she wouldn’t change it. However, she nailed having a baby so soon as one of the hardest changes for her in their marriage.

Though I wasn’t surprised by their answer to my question “What were some of the best times in your marriage so far? And what is something that helped you along in tough times?” because of my own experiences, I was amazed at the confidence they had in their answer: “The best times were the ones where we had to depend on God the most. The best times and the poorest times often were the same because we realized that all that mattered was with us –our babies and each other and that through everything God is faithful.” I asked how each one had changed the other in some way and Steve joked, “Oh, not at all!” Jan laughed and swatted him with her hand, but then they answered more seriously. Jan said “I learned the power of submission that is outlined in the Bible. It’s not a weak thing.” Steve’s answer related to that very much and was “I learned that ‘our decisions’ are better than ‘my decisions’.”

When I asked how they were different from each other, it led into a discussion about whether or not people who were the same could really work out in a marriage. They both agreed that they are very different from each other and that their differences help them work together. Steve said, “It’s like sand paper and wood. They rub together, get smoother, and actually make something over that time of friction.” Some specific differences they said were their family backgrounds and Jan said, “He has a temper. That is something I had never seen in my dad.” But then Steve said, “When I was growing up, my dad and my brothers had an old fender hung up in the garage…whenever we needed to we’d go beat on it.” Besides details from the ways they had been raised, Steve is more passionate while Jan is more analytical. He has eyes of faith, while she looks at things through a more logic and practical perspective. As they talked about that Jan playfully said, “His ‘eyes of faith’ usually seem like ‘vain imagination’.” Steve responded with, “But your practicality and logic can be so unreasonable!” They both smiled when I asked them how they fought. Then they said, “You just saw it.” After they said that, they reflected and could only think of a few times where they actually yelled at each other, but Jan said that is because she was not as verbal as he is and that they still always had to express themselves and come to an agreement. That led smoothly into my question of “How often do you say ‘I’m sorry, will you please forgive me?’ to one another?” They said “That is SO important. We say that when we need to.” Jan said that something she found to be very helpful was to say “Why didn’t I think of that?” to Steve when they would argue. It helped because it was humbling and respectful of the other person’s perspective.

It was clear from the beginning of the interview that their kids and grandkids were of utmost importance to them. They said that the ages 2-6 were “magical”. When Jan smiled fondly and said, “He was made to have kids and to be a father”, a dreamy look came into Steve’s eyes and he said, “Those little arms…hugs around my neck, plays, choirs, band performances…coming home from work to those little arms…” When I asked how they’d kept things peaceful between their children (earlier they’d said that their children had all gotten along quite well. They fought behind their backs, of course, but for the most part they co-existed peacefully.) Jan said that they just expected that there would be peaceful co-existence. Nothing is more important that family and it was unique and beautiful that the siblings expressed love for one another.

I asked if they were satisfied in their marriage, though I was pretty sure I already knew the answer to that one. Steve said, “More so all the time.” He continued by saying that they were best friends and that the “romantic, sweet, and precious times” have and will continue to be wonderful with his wife. Finally, I asked, “How would you like to continue to grow in your relationship with each other?” Even though it was my last question for the interview, it led to more topics and discussions, but their answer was, “Well, we’ve got to think ‘What is ahead?’ we’ll get older, need more help, and eventually there will be a point where one of us is gone. So we will make sure that there is a plan and transition for the remaining one.” They said that while it is hard to look ahead, they will keep it going, have grace, and be prepared for whatever God brings.

Things changed, things changed them, and they aren’t anywhere close to how they imagined they would be or what they would be doing with their lives. But the change in plans, the detour and the new dreams that came turned out to be what was best. The way they embrace that is incredible. Before I walked out to my car Steve hugged me and said “Keep the shiny side up and stay in between the green.” While that was not the most impacting advice this couple gave me that evening, it is among the many things that I will never forget that they said to me.

It was a great experience for me. Thank you Steve and Jan for your examples, and words of encouragement! It means a lot to me!  :)

 

Regardless

Regretless I shall live,

Regardless of the cost.

Remembering what was mine

And how all that was lost.

Freely given up

My heart, my soul, my will.

Given to the Keeper

And I rest, peaceful, still.

Doing what He bids me

I won't look back and frown.

For He gives what is best,

Though I may not see that now.

[I've decided to share some of my poetry occasionally. -Brenna]

The Heart of the Matter

If I were to ask you where your heart was...what would you say? Would you point to the location of your sternum or would you look at me funny and say "What do you mean?" Ok, now turn your head 90 decrees to the right.


I'm not kidding. Go ahead and try it. Then scroll down a little.
















<3


Is that what your heart looks like? (No? Yeah, I didn't think so.)
Ok, so that was just fun and I wanted you to do that (so if you didn't....party pooper), but the direction I want to take with this is NOT the symbol of a heart and what it represents. Instead, I'll return to the original question: Where is your heart? Then I'll tack on there: Why does it matter?


Let's see how well my attempt to explain it goes: 


I heard a quote by C. S. Lewis that cut me pretty deeply. It went like this, "You do not have a soul. You are a soul. What you have is a body." Please take a moment to absorb that. Your soul (and I think I'm going to use heart and soul kind of interchangeably.) will last for eternity, but your body won't. What you have is temporary and what you are is forever. And the thing is, that is what your Creator is after. God doesn't want your stuff, or your time, or anything else that is "yours". What He longs for is your heart.


There is competition though. God has placed such value on you, but Satan is after your heart, too. He wants your soul to be his, but for an entirely different purpose and end. Funny, though (or not funny, actually) but it's not an "end". Remember that. What it is is forever. There is no end. Your body will have its end, your soul will not. But as you live your life now in the body, you have this one opportunity (called your lifetime, however long or short) to choose where your heart will "end" up. 


Your heart is so valuable that there is a fierce and passionate battle going on daily for it. Passion so expressed to the extend of a gruesome death on a cross some 2,000 years ago. Your heart is precious. That is why you need to know where it is.


Lame example time: I have a cell phone, right? I use it pretty frequently, so it's part of my daily life and I almost always know where it is. It's important. (like I said, lame. haha.) But since it DOES happen to be important to my life I keep pretty close tabs on where it is. Because I store some important information on it I don't let just anybody play around on it or use it. I don't leave it on the sidewalk for a random person to pick up or leave it somewhere where someone would be tempted to steal it. I value it, so I take care of it. It costs me money, so I take good care of it (ya know, the whole screen protector thing.).
Well we should be treating our hearts similarly. They are not for just everyone to know intimately, but God does give us gifts of friendships that we can have deeply. Our hearts are not to be left unattended/unguarded because there is tremendous value in them that might get damaged or stolen away. Fortunately, my God is a restorer and healer and can fix any damaged heart, but we can take responsibility for what has been given to us by being responsible with it. It's valuable, so we ought to care for our hearts...as well as the hearts of others. 


SO. How do you know where your heart is?
Your actions are an excellent indicator. Ok ok, I know I just said that you are a soul and have a body, but they are connected, right now aren't they? That being said, the motivations you have, and what you do with those motivations (actions) spring from your heart.  
Grace from God is incredible. We don't deserve it, and if we have the right attitude in our hearts about what God has done for us, then we will want to please Him, and by giving Him the affections of our hearts (and our whole hearts) God is glorified.
What you do reflects your heart. What does your heart say about your actions? What do your actions say about you heart?  Do you do whatever it is you do from desire or obligation?


Chances are, as you're reading this you don't think your heart is is the right place. (Believe me, as I've been typing this out, I've had some thing run through my mind that I need to check my motivations on...) The good news is that God changes hearts! There is ALWAYS hope!! He changes and heals us from the inside out. He deals with heart issues and heals deep heart hurts. So if I may, I encourage you to examine your heart. Examine the state of your heart and where it is. Get to know your heart and give it to God for Him to hold and take care of how He knows is best. After all, He designed the most intricate details of it.

The First Step to Recovery = Admit You Have a Problem

Yup, we've all got problems we oughta admit...
Pride is a sticky subject. Sticky like a Venus Fly Trap plant. It seems sweet at the time, but then before you know it you find yourself trapped. It's still sweet inside the plant as it begins to slowly digest you. But the fact remains that you are indeed trapped and you are indeed being digested.

The really irritating thing about pride is that it is entirely possible to be prideful about your humility. (Ironic, I know.) But then that must not be truuuue humility if you can be prideful about it. However, I think it remains a temptation.

Pride comes from lies. After all, who do you think you are?

Consider for a moment the lovely, pretty girl who spends time trying to be "humble" about her looks but is doing it by telling herself or making herself believe that she is not as pretty as she is. As a girl, I know what that's like. "I shouldn't be self-centered". True. And "Beauty isn't something that should be flaunted". Also true. But somehow that is easily twisted into "No, I'm not pretty" whenever she gets a compliment. Yet something in her still swells at the attention. Maybe that is not blatant pride, but it is false humility. False because if she's pretty, saying she isn't is a lie.
(Going sliiiightly off topic for a second here...Please bear with me.)
Aaaah, but who decides who or what is pretty or not? There lies the question. There also lies other important things to consider when dealing with pride. It is: According to whose standards are we caomparing?
There are two standards as options:
God's or the World's.

Still on the topic of this girl and her thoughts (don't worry, we'll be moving on shortly), it is a unfulfiling and can be sinful when she is using worldly standards to find her beauty to be of worth. On the contrary, God has different standards, and His standards express His thoughts on beauty (skin and heart beauty). And since God created everything, He is the owner, patented, copyrighted, and approved. He is the ultimate authority, HIS thoughts/standards are the only ones that ought to matter. And he is not opinionless.

(Back on original track)
As I pondered the rampant pride issue, some signs of its existence grew apparent to me. Here are some that I came up with.You may need to deal with some pride problems if:
You can't ask for help from someone.
You can't admit it when you are wrong.
You tend to think your way is right, and that it's stupid if someone tries something differently than they way you do it. As if you have it all together.
You hate yourself. (Self-loathing. This might not make sense when you first think about it. But, really, if you are sitting around thinking "I hate myself. Everything is horrible. My life sucks." You are basically saying "I should be pitied. How dare someone not care or respect me." And I think the low feelings may be damaged pride. But if your pride is damaged, it's still there.)

So why are these things a problem? Well, to be quite frank, pride is basically self-seeking. A person who is a little high on the pride scale is looking to glorify themselves. But one day "EVERY knee will bow and EVERY tongue confess" that Jesus is Lord and the only one worthy of glory. You can bend those knees today or you can wait, be stiff-necked, and be forced to your knees later when you are all eaten up by your own pride digesting you. Then you will realize that God is the only one worthy of glory and that you have wasted your life making it about you.

Do YOU think it's a problem? (If yes, please read on.)

So, how do you combat this hideous pride? I came up with the following list of questions to help you swallow the fact that you are but man, and God is God.
Humbling things to think on:
Did you make yourself? Did you come up with the whole idea of giving yourself life? Do you have anyone to thank for the life that you're living? Can you speak words and have the become physical things like God spoke the world into motion? Do you honestly believe that it could be possible for you to run your life flawlessly by yourself? What do you have that you can be proud of? How awesome do you think you are?

I want to encourage you to look into God's Word. The bible is like a mirror. When you look into it, God shows you yourself[A] and also shows you how He wants things to be[B], and He doesn't leave you wondering how to get from point A to point B.

The Color Green

Picture this: A forest, overgrown and tangled with branches of large, deep-rooted trees tangling into a nearly impassible (and certainly unpleasant place to go through) net. It is dry and the life of the forest is dying because the roots and branches and stifling and choking out any youth...And then one little spark, whether on purpose or by design, touches the dry leaves and twigs and -sizzle-. A forest fire has begun. Unstoppable and sweeping through the terrain, mercilessly devouring the contents of the forest. Then eventually burns itself out when there is nothing left to feed its flames.

Tragic. The forest, whose greenness and beauty and unique wildness once made the eyes that looked on it widen in awe, now gone. Sad...the desolation, the quiet, the dead-like stillness...

Things like that happen in life sometimes. I'm sure you have noticed how some things get so tangled and mangled or so large and unkempt that they just burn to the ground. Sometimes those things need to die in us. Like they have gotten so out of control that they just need to tangibly burn away.

So burnt stuff is what is left. Greeeeat. Now what?

The ashes and charred wood and the rotting things that are left over from the fire are a type of decomposition. The fire has broken them down into things small enough for other plants to use as nutrition. Decomposed materials are like fertilizer! Okay, so great, now we have a place were a forest used to be, and fertilizer. Gooood. But what is missing?

The seeds. In some cases for trees, the seed shells are SO hard that it takes the intense heat and brutality of a forest fire to break them open and allow them to start growing.

Lesson on botanical life and cycles officially over. So what am I saying though it, though?

Allow me to make this analogy: There are things in our lives that are the like the hard shells that wont break open and let things start growing. Pride is a really good example of that. Pride hardens us to change, to new things, and binds us. Sometimes God allows there to be some sort of fire that happens in our lives or hearts. It hurts, but it is also the only way we will finally be broken and begin to grow in that area of our lives. And Jesus' forgiveness and grace that He gives us is the fertilizer for that growth. It fuels it so that it is actually able to happen. But the thing is...that growth can't happen until all the other tangled mess is out of the way.

Now I hope you understand this:

Brokenness (perhaps specific) + Forgiveness (Received, Given, or both) = Growth

This idea can be applied to my life and to yours, too, I'm sure. My hope for you is that though you may find yourself broken at times, I hope that you will accept the Grace of God, live in it, and be opened to grow in whatever area of your life it may be. The beginning is the perfect place to start. God supplies you with whatever you need to grow. And there are good seeds just waiting to sprout. May your roots go deep, your trunk be strong, and your branches reaching wide.

The F-word

I can just about see your face. You're thinking "What?! The F-WHAT?!" Haha. But yes, the F-word. So now, instead of dancing around it, I'm just going to say it. -Forgiveness.

I just want to spend some time going through some things about forgiveness that have been on my mind lately. Things like: what IS it? How does one DO it? How many times must I do it? MUST I do it? Why is it so hard at times? And many more other questions. But let's start at square one (and that, of course, is God since God initiates/begins/starts/programs/creates/designs everything and is He (Jesus) is a flesh and blood example for us. (Though He is SO much more than just an example, truly.)

God offers us eternal life through the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ. Who, because of his Love for us, died so that we may be forgiven of our trespasses (aka sin), in order that we may have relationship with God.
Point number one: Forgiveness comes at a price. For Jesus, that price was death. He actually physically suffered and died to pay the price for my sin and yours. And I can tell you from circumstances in my life where I have forgiven people of things done against me, it cost me a price to forgive, too. To be quite honest, the price is often to not allow myself to hold anything in my heart against them, not indulging in dark thoughts about what happened, and getting rid of the desire to keep them away from me. That's a price of sorts. It is an effort, it spends energy, etc.

But despite any cost, Jesus paid the ultimate price so that there COULD be restoration and forgiveness. As a Christ Follower, I am called to live as He did -even if that means dying like He did- and through my life, to show His love and His forgiveness. Forgiving is worth it.

Something that really caught my attention was the completeness of forgiveness. Think about it. If it isn't entirely forgiven, then it's not real forgiveness. If you say to yourself, "I will forgive this, this, and this part...but not that", then tell me what good your forgiveness is.

What forgiveness is not: Forgiveness is not saying that the deed committed was okay. But rather, that you won't hold the deed against the offender. Are ya gleanin'? When I was thinking and praying about forgiveness, I would think "That was NOT ok for that to happen." And in truth, no. It wasn't, and no one was asking me to be okay with it. But we ARE supposed to forgive. Not so much are we "supposed" as we ought to have a desire to forgive. Why? Because God has forgiven you/me/us of so much more disgusting/horrifying/dirty things than what we forgive each other for. And because He has been so incredibly gracious to US, we, in turn, should be rearing at the bit to show that same grace to others.

Yaaaaaay.

Forgiveness is a difficult thing because it is preceded by a detrimental event that may be as petty as a blow to our pride, or as weighty as physical or emotional hurt. But the good news is that my King is a healer and restorer! And He is good at it, too! God can take any hurt, yes ANY, and make it into something good. Example: Friendships/relationships can be stronger than ever before after going through a fire. But once on the other side, and when there has been forgiveness, deeper relationship is restored and cultivated.

Conclusion:
 Forgiveness can be difficult, but when it is given and accepted it is a beautiful and God-honoring thing. The hurt is real, but so is the healing.

Sweetly Broken

A few phrases I've been hearing a lot coming out of kids' mouths... (yes, as a matter of fact I DO consider myself a "kid", so I'm not erroneously exempting myself from this statement. haha.) ...Anyway, the phrases are such as these, "Epic Fail", "Faaaaaail.", or this is a good one: "Soandso failed epically." and you get the idea. Failure. Most of the time we use these words just for fun, in sarcasm, or to "embellish" a story. (aka, exaggeration).  But, thinking deeper into what the words really mean, if you were a failure, what would that mean for you?


There are a LOT of examples I could use in my own life to illustrate what failure for me would look like, feel like, and what I could/would do about it. But I'm pretty sure, especially if you happen to be every bit as human as I am, that you have examples from your own life or past or prolonged failures that are surfacing in your mind as you read.
 It's horrible right?! I mean, why does stuff like that happen to us? It was awfully humiliating...We might never live it down! The mess-up practically made the paper! The failure made us feel belittled, stupid, and a whole string of derogatory emotions. And, and, aaaaaaand, you thought I was going to talk about failure being a bad thing, didn't you! Well, surprise, surprise, here I take a turn:
Failure breaks us. 
And God uses broken people.
WHY ON EARTH would God want to use BROKEN people?! What good does THAT do? The answer is "a whole lot, actually". If we are broken, we have come to the accurate realization that we can't handle it all, we are not superheros, and frankly don't know what we are doing compared to an amazing Designer King.


 In the book called The Mystery of God's Providence, it says that "Whole, unbruised, unbroken men are  of little use to God." Sometimes the only way God can work real brokenness in us is by failure. I can look back on my 18 years of life and point out very specific times where I have been broken. The sad thing is that it's happened more than once and God breaking me continues to be necessary because as soon as I "get it together" again, I lose sight of Who is really in charge. Being broken leaves me knowing that I really need God and am utterly dependent on Him to pull me through. It's humiliating,  but I can see that because of my pride, if God wants to use me at all -if I want to bring Him glory with my life- I can't be sporting the attitude of arrogance.
Here's the quote again. "Whole, unbruised, unbroken men are  of little use to God." 


Sometimes the only way God can work real brokenness in us is by failure.
I have heard it said that God created the human spirit so dynamically, so in-depth, so very richly that once sin entered the picture, the human spirit aspires to BE God. And because of that aspiration, sometimes (oftentimes) it is necessary for God (who is WAY more incredible than we are) to break us of our arrogance and pride so that we can actually do incredible things in His power, not our own.


Another thing, (this one is a little intimidating since we pathetic people spend a lot of effort on doing things when it's not about what we've done at all!) but, God is not against using an entire lifetime to break a man or a woman because the ultimate purpose (divine design) is HIS own glory. Thank God that there is Grace! But God is more interested int the worker than the work. He is after the Heart of the worker rather than what the worker (aka you and me) actually do. (That's because if the heart is right, good things will spring from it with the right motivation, but that will probly be a separate post.)


Soooo. I just typed all this out and what was my point? My point is that if you are a person who is broken (like if you have a broken heart, have failed terribly, and feel useless and needy because of it) the YOU are in mint condition for God to work in your life in more incredible ways than you can imagine. I know for myself, that is hard to wrap my head around...but it's true and actually comforting when you think about it more! It's like, "Hey! I don't have to have it all together! Cuz God's gonna work through this!" Just trust Him in your brokenness and through your failures.

"If I Die Young"

You may or not be familiar with the song title I have selected to be my title for this post. That's okay. The song is "If I Die Young" by the Band Perry. Personally, I love this song  but something happened the other day that makes me think much more deeply about young death (as it is portrayed in the song, and in real "life").
When was the last time you felt deeply about death? When was the last time you ALLOWED yourself to feeeeel about the subject of death? I know for myself, that I try to keep those feeling at bay. I try to keep them from coming into the "ports" of my mind because they are unpleasant, I don't understand it, there doesn't seem to be anything I can do about it, and that death is much too...weighty a matters to think about for too long. But sometimes it is necessary to take honest evaluation of ourselves and see what we are actually living for. 


I didn't know him personally, and I don't even know exactly how old he was, but he was in between the ages of 14 and 16 years old. Yesterday he was alive. Today this young boy is a memory in the minds and a hole in the hearts of his family and friends. He, this person that I never even knew..is gone. Gone. This boy with just as much value as myself, just as in need of a Savior as me...today he's gone. His death was sudden and completely unexpected, and his ended life leaves a gap in many people's hearts. Not to take anything away from him, but that could easily be you or me. I feel like I have so much to say on this, but when it comes down to it, my heart simply aches for his lost life. Why does it take a lost life to show me that how we are running out of time in this life to show the absolute wonders of a God who defeated death to people headed straight for it..?  Why does it take a death to make me realize the value of a life?  :(


Now, concerning death, we can't press the "panic" button, because God is ultimately in control and he plans good for us not destruction. But we can't be careless and satisfied either!  I wonder now how many times I walk through a store and show God's love in nothing that I do for other people. But then they might leave the store, get hit by a car and die -never having seen in me the Love that Christ has for them... You might be thinking "That's just morbid. cut it out." But morbid or not, it could be true. And as uncomfortable a thing sudden death is to think about, it IS a possibility. Can you deny that? What if the electric impulse from your brain didn't reach your heart two seconds from now? (Haha. You just waited two seconds to see if you were still alive. Admit it.) But no really. Like I said, God is in control. He has his eyes and his hand on you whether you like that idea or not. But each breath and heartbeat you have is a GIFT from Him.


Don't waste your life!


Our lives are a vanishing mist, and there is no promise of a tomorrow. So why do we live like we are immortal? It is true that we will have eternity (Heaven or hell. Take your pick.). But what about the time that is given to us NOW? 


I pray that God shows us how utterly dependent we are on Him, and how terribly gracious He is to us every day in every way. May that motivate us to live for what is most worthy. WHO is most worthy. The most high God. May we trust Him.
 You, God, know the number of my days. Don't let me waste them.

Disturbed

This poem pretty much speaks for itself. Obviously, I didn't write it, but I hope it provokes some thoughts in you:


Disturb us, Lord, when
We are too well pleased with ourselves,
When our dreams have come true
Because we have dreamed too little,
When we arrived safely
Because we sailed too close to the shore.

Disturb us, Lord, when
With the abundance of things we possess
We have lost our thirst
For the waters of life;
Having fallen in love with life,
We have ceased to dream of eternity
And in our efforts to build a new earth,
We have allowed our vision
Of the new Heaven to dim.


Disturb us, Lord, to dare more boldly,
To venture on wider seas
Where storms will show your mastery;
Where losing sight of land,
We shall find the stars.
We ask You to push back
The horizons of our hopes;
And to push into the future
In strength, courage, hope, and love.

      attributed - sir francis drake -1577

Your God is Too Small

I heard that phrase once. "Your God is Too Small" (and I think it's the title of a book, but I'm not positive on that one.)  But I heard it said and much to my amusement, as I look back now, I had instantly pictured myself standing before God and all I could see was the tip of his finger. (please, picture it with me. :) No matter which way or how far I tilted or turned my head, there was this never-ending finger. He was huge when I thought of Him that way. Haha. But even on that line of thinking, the way I imagined him was too small. He's bigger than my imagination could possibly conjure up. Go ahead, imagine God however you will, but then realize that how you see Him is much too small, far too weak, and way too simple compared to how He really is.


Now, speaking in terms that are less...literal, I suppose, your God is too small.  How do you know that the God that you have a relationship with is too small in your head? Well, what are you doing that you don't think God could handle? None of us would actually saaaaay that, though. It would be like saying, "God, I'm sorry, but you're going to have to back outa this one, I got this. Don't worry, chill out, take a break, and I can handle this." But we say this all the time. If you are thinking "what?! I do not!", let me ask you when was the last time you knew you ought to pray or seek God about something, but didn't. -


--- For example, I've been making college plans, stressing over them, and thinking about what I would like to do, etc. I kneeeeew I should have been seeking God for these plans, and actively trusting Him with my worries, but frankly, I forgot to pray. I forgot/didn't a lot. (You can ask my mom, it's true.) But when I didn't go to my Father about this area of my life, my actions were telling him that I was trying to handle it myself.  Whether we say "God, I got this." out loud or think it or not, when we don't trust God for EVERYTHING, we undermine who He really is, how big He is, how powerful, great, wonderful, mighty, just, loving, caring, gracious, etc. because we either like to do it ourselves, errantly thinking that we can do it best, or  because our minds are lazy, we have stopped trying to realize the extent of who God is.


I can look at an algebra problem/equation (sorry to bring math up, since I know we just got out of school.) and be instantaneously overwhelmed by the x's, y squared's, formidable decimals, something cubed or to the nth power divided by some symbol that means something else, and of course they want to graph it eventually....and then a whole string of directions about what to do...  I would stare at it for a moment, start hyperventilating, and then run for the nearest inhaler (at least..I would if I had asthma...). I probly hadn't even picked up the pencil yet, but I would already be ready to give up. -----  To say the obvious, God is bigger than that algebra nightmare, but at that time I'm having some trouble seeing past it. If something like that (or anything material, emotional, mental, spiritual, or relational) seems too big for you or me, we are thinking too small. Not that we could ever think big enough, but when I realize that my God is bigger than everything else in size, power, importance, or whatever, it puts things into perspective, and I am compelled (in a good way) to worship Him as He made me to do.


We are called to worship him. Why? Because he is worthy. How is he worthy? Look around you. He created all that. In the beginning...he said "let there be light, and there WAS LIGHT." Who else do you know who can simply speak things into existence? 
No really, who? Being in awe of God is worship. Not that we will ever ever grasp the awesomeness of God, but worship is trying. Worship can be you in the bathtub with water scalding your skin and you trying to dodge the boiling drops of liquid as you reach for the knob to make it cooler, but you think, "Wow. Wow. The nerves in my skin work great! Wow, God, You made that. I don't get how they work, but they work! and You do know how! Wow."
 Worships is getting to know Him better, worship is doing what He did, and worship is looking at a situation/circumstance and saying, "God, I know you are even bigger than that. So I'm gonna trust you with it and obey you in it, because YOU are bigger than I can fathom." God is indeed bigger (and many many more other adjectives) than we give Him credit for, so let's give Him the credit/the worship he deserves, and stop trying to handle our things in our lives ourselves.

Windows to the World

Ok, since it's my style to just jump in and get to my point, here is a quick intro to what I'm gonna be talking about here:


I was driving home from work in a certain '91 Pontiac 6000 LE (also known as "Google" -If you can figure that one out ;), and as I was praying and asking God to help me see things as He does, etc. I got a picture in my head that was of people walking around in boxes. In one side of each person's box was a window that they could look through. This idea applied directly to what I was praying about, but I think it also applies more broadly to all of us, and the more I thought about it, the more I wanted to share.


People walking around in their little boxes, viewing the world through their little windows... I felt that the boxes themselves are the lives we put ourselves in, the patterns of thinking, and they determine how open we are to accepting things outside of our "little worlds" or in this case -boxes. But the window is the detail I want to focus on more, here. Some people's windows were bigger or smaller than someone else's. Some windows may be foggy or cracked and inhibit how well someone can see through it. 


Now the problem ISN'T that someone's "window to the world" might be big or small or more clear glass or cracked, or dirty, or whatever. I repeat, that is not the problem. The problem isn't that they have windows. Every person HAS a window -aka, a limited view. They can only see what is in front of them.  The real problem lies in when we think that our perspective (what we see out of our windows) is all there is. When we think that how we see it is how it is, that we comprehend a whole situation, and that there are no other angles to be covered or things that we might be missing. When we do that, we make ourselves gods.

However, the truth about this is that God is the only one who sees the whole picture, he doesn't even HAVE  window because he sees EVERYTHING. his perspective is the only one that matters, because it is HIS universe. Nothing is hidden from Him. He created us as finite human beings and we have limited viewpoints. Our windows are little and we tend to be blinded by them, though we often think that we see things the right way. But that is us putting ourselves on a higher level than we are. When we think we see it how it is, we are are trying to be God.

Look at the world and all the chaos created by people walking around thinking they know best...

The ways we see things (situations, events, and other people, opinions, etc) separate us from each other. We each walk around in our own little boxes, bumping into or off of things that get in our way, going through them, or around them. 

Windows = perspectives. So my question for you as well as myself, is "What is shaping your perspective?" Fears, your temper, your prejudices, hate, jealousy, love? Blinding love that keeps you from seeing the truth? Love of self, money, or some other person? Is it mercy, compassion, or what? Think about it. The list could go on and on.


I don't know about you, but for myself, I do not want to live my life in a blind little box with a crack of a window. I would rather step out of my box, live life out loud, unhidden, and open. I want to have a broad perspective, but I want to also always know that God is the only one who sees it all -and in that, TRUST Him for everything since He does see everything. Since He is that One who is in control and isn't limited in any way. 


My prayer about this is that those of us who call ourselves that people of God would take up His perspective on every matter we encounter in our lives and that we would trust Him for what we think we see and what we don't.

A Piece of Canvas

A Piece of Canvas

I am a piece of canvas...

Once blank, but am no more

I have been put to use, you see,

Here spread out on the floor

I am a piece of canvas

Dirty, marred, and stained

I keep the foot-prints off the wood,

and catch stray drips of paint

I am a piece of canvas

I've laid here quite awhile

The brushes, cans and other tools

In heaps, on me, are piled

I am a piece of canvas

Feeling lonely, used, unseen

Until You come and pull me out

And wash me until I'm clean

I am a piece of canvas!

I'm clean! A stunning white

Whatever use He puts me to

I know it will be right

I am a piece of canvas

Hoisted high onto a mast

I'm stretched and taught, a useful thing!

And waves below me crash

I am a piece of canvas

Angled full into the breeze

The thrills, the gusts, the waves, the sky!

I fit this perfectly.

-By Enna

The Inside Revealed

"...surely what a man does when he is taken off his guard is the best evidence for what sort of a man he is?...If there are rats in a cellar you are most likely to see them if you go in very suddenly. But the suddenness does not create the rats: it only prevents them from hiding. In the same way the suddenness of the provocation does not make me an ill-tempered man; it only shows me what an ill-tempered man I am..." -C.S.Lewis Mere Christianity


Ok, my mom told me about this quote and I had to find it for myself. I did, and had to stew on it for awhile. But this is what I have been thinking concerning this quote:


What C.S. Lewis is saying here is that the yucky stuff inside of us is best and most accurately revealed before we have time to put a mask/disguise to cover up the bad stuff inside us. His words make me picture myself going to my basement door and opening it and flicking the light on just in time to see a hundred rats dashing for cover. (Imagine scenes from the move Ratatouille instead of your own basement, if you prefer, but the point of it being YOUR basement IS kind of important here.) Anyway, I can't help being somewhat disgusted by discovering how infested my house is when I see the rodents (can you say "understatement"?). But now I have a choice. 


Option number uno- I can turn the light back off, shut the door and move a bookshelf in front of it to hide the door....until the next time I need a can of peaches.


Option number dos- I can dash for the bathroom, wash my hands four times in a row as if I had touched one of the creatures and tear off in search of the phone and the number for the nearest exterminator.


OBVIOUSLY, the second ("dos", por ese puebas quien no tienes la ablilidad leer espanol) is the better of the two. I daresay embarrassing for about a week when all my friends might be saying "Soooo, I saw an exterminator pull into your driveway the other day and he was parked there for a looooong time...what was THAT about??", but in the long run, I will be rat-free and have learned a valuable lesson about keeping the depths and rarely viewed parts of my house in order. But if I went with the first, I would STILL have rats. I may not seeeeee them, but the problem is still there regardless. 


In the same way, things like tempers, prejudices, hate, profane language, and all those other negative things in our ever-so-human characters are like the rats in the cellar. We can hide them all we want, but sooner or later, those issues will be revealed. And when they are it reveals what is REALLY inside us, what is in our deep places. The "provocation does not make me an ill-tempered man; it only shows me what an ill-tempered man I am", C.S. Lewis says. So then instead of putting a fake covering over our issues, how much better for us would it be (in the long run) to deal with, reject, train ourselves away from, confess, and learn from our "ill temper"edness, etc. 


I'm NOT saying that you need to perfect yourself. HA! What happens when imperfect things try to perfect things? There isn't much hope of perfection with that...Instead, invite the Perfect to help you! His grace is sufficient for the worst of tempers, the deepest of hate, and the most ugly of prejudices, so we have no excuse to keep them.


[Sort of a side note here- a point that says alot thanks to Rick Hein: Similarly(because of our reactions revealing what is in us) to what C.S. Lewis was saying,  when there are troubles in our lives, it tell us what we are about by however we react. Do we run to God and desire His glory above everything, or do we say "Oh GOD!  Just take it away!" ? If we respond by asking God to remove troubles from our lives, it reveals that we are really are about ourselves, our own comfort, or own agendas, etc. ]


To close, I heard an analogy one time of: If you step on a rose, a sweet aroma will fill the room. Likewise, if you step on a skunk...an aroma fills the room with that smell too. My hope is for you and for myself, that if I am stepped on, that good, pleasant things will come out, instead of ugly things. 

Question: Not too Hot, Not too Cold = ?

Answer: Lukewarm (yeah, so you might have heard that term before, read on.)

Note: The excerpts I have used are from the book Crazy Love byt Francis Chan (mainly the chapter "The Profile of the Lukewarm" (which is a self-evaluation tool. I repeat "SELF-evaluation). Other excerpts as marked are from the Bible. I found this very helpful for myself, so maybe you will, too:

"Lukewarm people tend to choose what is popular over what is right when they are in conflict. They desire to fit in both at church and outside of church; they car more aboutwhat people think of their action (like church attendance and giving ) than what God thinks of their hearts and lives" (pg69).

What people think versus what God thinks...hmmmm. Which one carries more weight? Also, God is concerned with the HEART. (The reasons/motives behind what we do, our passions, our attentions, what we desire and love and what matters to us.)

"Lukewarm people are moved by stories about people who do radical things for Christ, yet they do not act..." (pg70)

"Anyone who knows the good he ought to do and doesn't do it, sins" (James 4:17). Nuf said.

"Lukewarm people gauge their morality or "goodness" by camparing themselves to the secular world. They feel satisfied that while they aren't as hard-core for Jesus as so-and-so, they are nowhere as horribe as the guy down the street" (pg72).

"The Pharisee stood up and prayed about himself: 'God, I thank you that I am not like other men -robbers, evil-doers, adulterers- or even like this tax collector. I fast twice a week and give a tenth of all I get' " (Luke 18:11-12).

It's like saying, "God, thank you that I am not as bad as [insert name here]. That person has issues, sins alot, and is such a faker."  Now instead of being genuinly grateful for being rescued out of sin, we are judging others. :/ (btw, that's not good.) Kind of like if the thought crosses our minds "well i could be worse" or even somthing like "at least I'm still a virgin" -we're making ourself out to be better than we are/not feeling bad about current sin in our lives/and we are certainly not filled with a desire to be more like God. 

"Lukewarm people love others but do not seek to love others as much as they love themselves. Their love of others is typically focused on those who love them in return, like family, friends, and other people they know and connect with. There is litle love left over for those who cannot love them back, much less for those who intentionally slight them , whose kids are better thletes than teirs, or with whom conversations are awkwerd or uncomfortable. Their love is highly conditional and very selective, and generally comes with strings attached." (pg73).

For me this passage was a big "ouch". I was forced to consider how many times I had avoided so-and-so because of potential discomfort, judged someone, been hurt and my first impulse was to withdraw my love for them, or make conditions on my love. I can remember actually thinking "well i will love them if..." Immediately, in this context the two letter word "if" slaps conditions on our love for someone. Just imagine if Jesus had done that when He thought of us... point is God's love is unconditional, sacrificial, and open to us. If we aren't going to be lukewarm, the the "who, how, when, and why" we love others must be the way God loves. THis is how He showed his love: while we still despised Him, He DIED for us. 

"You have heard it said, 'Love your neighbor and hate you enemy.' But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in Heaven." (matt5:43).

[Mental wheels are turning...hmm. maybe I'll write more on love itself at a later time. lol]

If we love God (... yes I actually did say "if") then we will want to do what He does and what He wants us to. Let me change the wording slightly: WHEN we love God, we actually DO do the things God does and wants us to. We don't do things first, we do things in response to what He has already done. 

"Jesus replied: ' Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' this is the first and greatest commandment" (matt22:37)

God wants all of us. Every fiber of our being, every breath we breathe, every thought to be for Him, every want and desire to be centered on HIM. Not however much we think is "enough to get us into heaven". lame. He is not satisfied for us to lukewarm. He wants us to love Him with our heart, soul, and mind.

I hope maybe you have gotten something helpful out of this. I recommend Crazy Love to you.