Binding Freedom

Freedom is binding
Being bound is free.
It's a hard thing to fathom,
But p'raps some will see.

To what extent is freedom lent?
How bound to be until trapped?
How is our freedom so easily spent,
And then in chains are we wrapped?

Freedom itself is a gift,
In bindings a blessing is found.
You are free to decide
To what you will be bound.

Shiny Side up and Between the Green

I very recently interviewed a couple for an assignment in my Marriage and Family class. This post is basically the paper I turned in to go along with the assignment, but with some minor differences making one more blog appropriate and the other more assignment appropriate. But my hope in sharing this with you all is that not only will Steve and Jan get to see basically what came of the time they let me have with them, but to share some (only SOME) of the great stuff they shared and said to me.

My paper went something like:

I chose Steve and Jan to interview because they are an older couple whom I respect greatly for not only their solid marriage, but for the times that they have spoken wisdom and encouragement into my life. I received both of those things and more the evening I sat on their couch to interview them. Later, when I stepped off of their front porch after the interview I was so full of sound advice, wisdom, encouragement, and joy from the manner that they spoke and related to one another that I thought I was going to pop.

I asked about fourteen questions, but each question led to a story or example which in led nicely to other questions, and it was a nice cycle that kept us chatting. I learned that they have been married for 40 years, they got married at 22 (Steve) and 20 (Jan), and had their first child 9 months and 15 days after they were married. When I asked if they thought the ages that they got married were good ones, Steve said, “We were young…but we got to grow up together.” Jan was in agreement. She expressed that it would have been nice if there had been a little more “growing up” time together before their first baby, but looking back she wouldn’t change it. However, she nailed having a baby so soon as one of the hardest changes for her in their marriage.

Though I wasn’t surprised by their answer to my question “What were some of the best times in your marriage so far? And what is something that helped you along in tough times?” because of my own experiences, I was amazed at the confidence they had in their answer: “The best times were the ones where we had to depend on God the most. The best times and the poorest times often were the same because we realized that all that mattered was with us –our babies and each other and that through everything God is faithful.” I asked how each one had changed the other in some way and Steve joked, “Oh, not at all!” Jan laughed and swatted him with her hand, but then they answered more seriously. Jan said “I learned the power of submission that is outlined in the Bible. It’s not a weak thing.” Steve’s answer related to that very much and was “I learned that ‘our decisions’ are better than ‘my decisions’.”

When I asked how they were different from each other, it led into a discussion about whether or not people who were the same could really work out in a marriage. They both agreed that they are very different from each other and that their differences help them work together. Steve said, “It’s like sand paper and wood. They rub together, get smoother, and actually make something over that time of friction.” Some specific differences they said were their family backgrounds and Jan said, “He has a temper. That is something I had never seen in my dad.” But then Steve said, “When I was growing up, my dad and my brothers had an old fender hung up in the garage…whenever we needed to we’d go beat on it.” Besides details from the ways they had been raised, Steve is more passionate while Jan is more analytical. He has eyes of faith, while she looks at things through a more logic and practical perspective. As they talked about that Jan playfully said, “His ‘eyes of faith’ usually seem like ‘vain imagination’.” Steve responded with, “But your practicality and logic can be so unreasonable!” They both smiled when I asked them how they fought. Then they said, “You just saw it.” After they said that, they reflected and could only think of a few times where they actually yelled at each other, but Jan said that is because she was not as verbal as he is and that they still always had to express themselves and come to an agreement. That led smoothly into my question of “How often do you say ‘I’m sorry, will you please forgive me?’ to one another?” They said “That is SO important. We say that when we need to.” Jan said that something she found to be very helpful was to say “Why didn’t I think of that?” to Steve when they would argue. It helped because it was humbling and respectful of the other person’s perspective.

It was clear from the beginning of the interview that their kids and grandkids were of utmost importance to them. They said that the ages 2-6 were “magical”. When Jan smiled fondly and said, “He was made to have kids and to be a father”, a dreamy look came into Steve’s eyes and he said, “Those little arms…hugs around my neck, plays, choirs, band performances…coming home from work to those little arms…” When I asked how they’d kept things peaceful between their children (earlier they’d said that their children had all gotten along quite well. They fought behind their backs, of course, but for the most part they co-existed peacefully.) Jan said that they just expected that there would be peaceful co-existence. Nothing is more important that family and it was unique and beautiful that the siblings expressed love for one another.

I asked if they were satisfied in their marriage, though I was pretty sure I already knew the answer to that one. Steve said, “More so all the time.” He continued by saying that they were best friends and that the “romantic, sweet, and precious times” have and will continue to be wonderful with his wife. Finally, I asked, “How would you like to continue to grow in your relationship with each other?” Even though it was my last question for the interview, it led to more topics and discussions, but their answer was, “Well, we’ve got to think ‘What is ahead?’ we’ll get older, need more help, and eventually there will be a point where one of us is gone. So we will make sure that there is a plan and transition for the remaining one.” They said that while it is hard to look ahead, they will keep it going, have grace, and be prepared for whatever God brings.

Things changed, things changed them, and they aren’t anywhere close to how they imagined they would be or what they would be doing with their lives. But the change in plans, the detour and the new dreams that came turned out to be what was best. The way they embrace that is incredible. Before I walked out to my car Steve hugged me and said “Keep the shiny side up and stay in between the green.” While that was not the most impacting advice this couple gave me that evening, it is among the many things that I will never forget that they said to me.

It was a great experience for me. Thank you Steve and Jan for your examples, and words of encouragement! It means a lot to me!  :)

 

Regardless

Regretless I shall live,

Regardless of the cost.

Remembering what was mine

And how all that was lost.

Freely given up

My heart, my soul, my will.

Given to the Keeper

And I rest, peaceful, still.

Doing what He bids me

I won't look back and frown.

For He gives what is best,

Though I may not see that now.

[I've decided to share some of my poetry occasionally. -Brenna]

The Heart of the Matter

If I were to ask you where your heart was...what would you say? Would you point to the location of your sternum or would you look at me funny and say "What do you mean?" Ok, now turn your head 90 decrees to the right.


I'm not kidding. Go ahead and try it. Then scroll down a little.
















<3


Is that what your heart looks like? (No? Yeah, I didn't think so.)
Ok, so that was just fun and I wanted you to do that (so if you didn't....party pooper), but the direction I want to take with this is NOT the symbol of a heart and what it represents. Instead, I'll return to the original question: Where is your heart? Then I'll tack on there: Why does it matter?


Let's see how well my attempt to explain it goes: 


I heard a quote by C. S. Lewis that cut me pretty deeply. It went like this, "You do not have a soul. You are a soul. What you have is a body." Please take a moment to absorb that. Your soul (and I think I'm going to use heart and soul kind of interchangeably.) will last for eternity, but your body won't. What you have is temporary and what you are is forever. And the thing is, that is what your Creator is after. God doesn't want your stuff, or your time, or anything else that is "yours". What He longs for is your heart.


There is competition though. God has placed such value on you, but Satan is after your heart, too. He wants your soul to be his, but for an entirely different purpose and end. Funny, though (or not funny, actually) but it's not an "end". Remember that. What it is is forever. There is no end. Your body will have its end, your soul will not. But as you live your life now in the body, you have this one opportunity (called your lifetime, however long or short) to choose where your heart will "end" up. 


Your heart is so valuable that there is a fierce and passionate battle going on daily for it. Passion so expressed to the extend of a gruesome death on a cross some 2,000 years ago. Your heart is precious. That is why you need to know where it is.


Lame example time: I have a cell phone, right? I use it pretty frequently, so it's part of my daily life and I almost always know where it is. It's important. (like I said, lame. haha.) But since it DOES happen to be important to my life I keep pretty close tabs on where it is. Because I store some important information on it I don't let just anybody play around on it or use it. I don't leave it on the sidewalk for a random person to pick up or leave it somewhere where someone would be tempted to steal it. I value it, so I take care of it. It costs me money, so I take good care of it (ya know, the whole screen protector thing.).
Well we should be treating our hearts similarly. They are not for just everyone to know intimately, but God does give us gifts of friendships that we can have deeply. Our hearts are not to be left unattended/unguarded because there is tremendous value in them that might get damaged or stolen away. Fortunately, my God is a restorer and healer and can fix any damaged heart, but we can take responsibility for what has been given to us by being responsible with it. It's valuable, so we ought to care for our hearts...as well as the hearts of others. 


SO. How do you know where your heart is?
Your actions are an excellent indicator. Ok ok, I know I just said that you are a soul and have a body, but they are connected, right now aren't they? That being said, the motivations you have, and what you do with those motivations (actions) spring from your heart.  
Grace from God is incredible. We don't deserve it, and if we have the right attitude in our hearts about what God has done for us, then we will want to please Him, and by giving Him the affections of our hearts (and our whole hearts) God is glorified.
What you do reflects your heart. What does your heart say about your actions? What do your actions say about you heart?  Do you do whatever it is you do from desire or obligation?


Chances are, as you're reading this you don't think your heart is is the right place. (Believe me, as I've been typing this out, I've had some thing run through my mind that I need to check my motivations on...) The good news is that God changes hearts! There is ALWAYS hope!! He changes and heals us from the inside out. He deals with heart issues and heals deep heart hurts. So if I may, I encourage you to examine your heart. Examine the state of your heart and where it is. Get to know your heart and give it to God for Him to hold and take care of how He knows is best. After all, He designed the most intricate details of it.

The First Step to Recovery = Admit You Have a Problem

Yup, we've all got problems we oughta admit...
Pride is a sticky subject. Sticky like a Venus Fly Trap plant. It seems sweet at the time, but then before you know it you find yourself trapped. It's still sweet inside the plant as it begins to slowly digest you. But the fact remains that you are indeed trapped and you are indeed being digested.

The really irritating thing about pride is that it is entirely possible to be prideful about your humility. (Ironic, I know.) But then that must not be truuuue humility if you can be prideful about it. However, I think it remains a temptation.

Pride comes from lies. After all, who do you think you are?

Consider for a moment the lovely, pretty girl who spends time trying to be "humble" about her looks but is doing it by telling herself or making herself believe that she is not as pretty as she is. As a girl, I know what that's like. "I shouldn't be self-centered". True. And "Beauty isn't something that should be flaunted". Also true. But somehow that is easily twisted into "No, I'm not pretty" whenever she gets a compliment. Yet something in her still swells at the attention. Maybe that is not blatant pride, but it is false humility. False because if she's pretty, saying she isn't is a lie.
(Going sliiiightly off topic for a second here...Please bear with me.)
Aaaah, but who decides who or what is pretty or not? There lies the question. There also lies other important things to consider when dealing with pride. It is: According to whose standards are we caomparing?
There are two standards as options:
God's or the World's.

Still on the topic of this girl and her thoughts (don't worry, we'll be moving on shortly), it is a unfulfiling and can be sinful when she is using worldly standards to find her beauty to be of worth. On the contrary, God has different standards, and His standards express His thoughts on beauty (skin and heart beauty). And since God created everything, He is the owner, patented, copyrighted, and approved. He is the ultimate authority, HIS thoughts/standards are the only ones that ought to matter. And he is not opinionless.

(Back on original track)
As I pondered the rampant pride issue, some signs of its existence grew apparent to me. Here are some that I came up with.You may need to deal with some pride problems if:
You can't ask for help from someone.
You can't admit it when you are wrong.
You tend to think your way is right, and that it's stupid if someone tries something differently than they way you do it. As if you have it all together.
You hate yourself. (Self-loathing. This might not make sense when you first think about it. But, really, if you are sitting around thinking "I hate myself. Everything is horrible. My life sucks." You are basically saying "I should be pitied. How dare someone not care or respect me." And I think the low feelings may be damaged pride. But if your pride is damaged, it's still there.)

So why are these things a problem? Well, to be quite frank, pride is basically self-seeking. A person who is a little high on the pride scale is looking to glorify themselves. But one day "EVERY knee will bow and EVERY tongue confess" that Jesus is Lord and the only one worthy of glory. You can bend those knees today or you can wait, be stiff-necked, and be forced to your knees later when you are all eaten up by your own pride digesting you. Then you will realize that God is the only one worthy of glory and that you have wasted your life making it about you.

Do YOU think it's a problem? (If yes, please read on.)

So, how do you combat this hideous pride? I came up with the following list of questions to help you swallow the fact that you are but man, and God is God.
Humbling things to think on:
Did you make yourself? Did you come up with the whole idea of giving yourself life? Do you have anyone to thank for the life that you're living? Can you speak words and have the become physical things like God spoke the world into motion? Do you honestly believe that it could be possible for you to run your life flawlessly by yourself? What do you have that you can be proud of? How awesome do you think you are?

I want to encourage you to look into God's Word. The bible is like a mirror. When you look into it, God shows you yourself[A] and also shows you how He wants things to be[B], and He doesn't leave you wondering how to get from point A to point B.